Support Your Child’s
Heart Through Divorce

Recognizing anger is like learning to spot a storm before it hits.

When you’re angry, you might feel your face get hot, your fists clench, or your heart beat faster.

Your thoughts might be racing, thinking about what upset you or how unfair things seem.

Psychologists say that noticing these signs helps you manage your emotions better.

Paying attention to how your body feels and what you’re thinking when you’re angry can help you to handle anger in a healthy way.

Knowing when you are angry is the first step to then using tools to cope with the anger in helpful ways.

What exactly needs to be developed to become resilient?

Many agree there are different levels of resilience to be expected at different ages and even in different fields.

For example training on military resilience is very different from how we would discuss it with teens. This course will introduce concepts for variations and provide links to additional information.

For now, we are going to begin with the idea of the 7 Cs mentioned by Coach Reese. Here they are again in case you missed them: Confidence, Competence, Connection, Character, Contribution, Coping, Control.

These seven concepts really summarize where we need to focus our attention to become stronger in certain areas of our lives.

The students will be developing their personal research focusing on one or more of these areas.

You might consider researching along with them. Where do you think you might work a bit more on skills for bouncing back?

Fight, Flight, and Freeze are the three basic ways that our bodies respond to threats.

Your brain might decide that fighting the danger is best. For example, if you are faced with an unfriendly animal, you might yell or throw things at it to try to get it to go away. You might have learned to wave your arms and stomp your feet. You’re trying to prove that you are the bigger threat so the animal will leave you alone!

Sometimes, flight is the best option. Your brain wants to get you out of a dangerous situation quickly. This could mean physically running away from something scary, but it could also mean avoiding something that you find intimidating. For example, maybe it means not raising your hand in class because you’re scared you’ll get the answer wrong in front of others.

The last “F” stands for freeze. Sometimes, your brain can’t make a decision. Instead of fighting or running from the danger, you freeze up. You might have a hard time speaking or yelling, your mouth might go dry, or you might feel faint or lightheaded.

It can be challenging dealing with emotional hot buttons, but there are several ways to manage them effectively.

First, identify your hot buttons by being aware of situations that make you upset or angry.

Second, calm your emotions with deep breathing or counting to ten when you feel highly emotional.

Third, talk about your feelings with a trusted friend, teacher, or parent; sharing your emotions can help you feel understood and less alone. Try to always speak from your own perspective. Do this by using “I” statements, like “I feel upset when…” to express how you feel.

Fourth, stay active through sports or hobbies to release built-up stress.

Fifth, keep a journal to write about your feelings, which can help you understand and manage them better.

These strategies can help you handle emotional hot buttons in a healthy way and improve your overall well-being.